Something Long Forgotten
by mystripedskirt
Summary: Her stomach is a reminder of her mistake. CaB, NB


Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

* * *

_I wanna know that you hung the stars in the sky  
So on lonely nights I would know your presence  
I wanna feel your love under my skin, down through my bones_

_-Brooke Fraser "Mystery"_

* * *

Blair's been feeling a little off for nearly three months when she caves and goes to the doctor. Graduation has just passed so she no longer feels the overwhelming pressure of tests and teachers. As she sits in the waiting room with its harsh, white glare, she feels the other patients staring at her. She deftly ignores them.

When it's her turn to visit the doctor, she gets a tiny room the mere size of a cubicle. The nurse asks her a few standard questions before assuring her the doctor will be in shortly.

It's another fifteen minutes before the doctor arrives and asks the same questions the nurse did before. He nods at times, but Blair isn't sure why, because she isn't the one asking any questions.

She blanches when he asks if she's taken a pregnancy test.

It's like junior year all over again when she stares at the tiny stick expectantly. She gets the answer she doesn't want and proceeds to throw the test away. This doesn't make her feel any better so she decides to call Serena.

Her best friend is at her penthouse in ten prolonged minutes. When she's there, she eyes Blair, the toilet, and guesses wrongly.

"B," she whispers, but Blair merely points her to the direction of the trash can.

This time she whispers, "Oh," before taking her best friend into her arms and holding her tight.

It's another few minutes before Serena asks, "But I thought you and Nate just got back together. Did you—"

Blair's in tears as she nods, but the look in her eyes tells Serena something else.

Serena accuses, "Chuck?"

Blair laughs, "He hasn't touched me in over a year."

"Blair," Serena warns, her voice borderline harsh.

"Don't say it, S. I'm really not in the mood."

Blair looks so tired, so defeated, that Serena just holds her and comforts her.

* * *

Blair lets her thing with Nate drag on till mid-summer before she breaks it off with him. They were fooling around at his Hamptons house when his mom was out when she stops him suddenly.

He's confused when she breaks up with him and wonders, "Is this about Chuck?" and she laughs because why does everyone always think it's about Chuck.

"No," she says, "It's about me. I don't think I'm ready for this again," but he misinterprets this like he misinterprets her, and he stays in the room to try to ease her worries.

* * *

She's starting to show by the end of the summer so she books a one way ticket to France. Her mother wants to know what the hell is wrong with her because classes are about to start, but she tells her NYU will wait because it's NYU and nothing prestigious like Yale. Her mother clamps her mouth down in anger before calling her father.

She leaves as they have the conversation because she can't do this right now.

* * *

France is nice because Roman brings her whatever she craves and her father eases the yelling of her mother, even though they have made no plans as to what they're going to do with the baby when he or she is born.

So far, only she and Serena know the possible identities of the baby's father, and she plans on keeping it that way. Her stomach is a reminder of her mistake, but she's determined this baby will receive more love than she did.

* * *

Her 19th birthday present is a jumble of Lanvin flats, jewel tone maxi dresses, and labor pains.

She's in a French hospital giving birth to a baby without its father when her doctor comes in and asks how she is doing. She glares at him before cursing at him, first in English, then in perfect French. He looks scared for his life when he begins preparations for birth.

* * *

She has a beautiful baby girl.

She's wet and she's crying, but she's the most beautiful baby that Blair's ever seen. She has tufts of light brown hair and the most brilliant eyes.

Blair looks up at her father and whispers, "Daddy, I want to keep her."

Her father's eyes are swimming with tears of his own as he nods at his daughter.

Blair names her daughter Juliet Grace.

The name seems to suit the baby perfectly, because she's beautiful beyond words. She's a polite, even-tempered baby, so her father jokes that she must be more like the father than like Blair. Blair doesn't laugh.

* * *

Cyrus brings her mom and Serena to visit over Christmas break. Cyrus gushes over the baby, who clearly takes a liking to him. He makes faces at her while she sucks on his fingers. Serena is awe of the child, who tugs at her long blonde hair. Even her mother plays with Juliet, taking time to rock her to sleep.

In the quiet of her room, Blair watches Juliet sleep in her Italian alabaster crib.

Serena comes in noiselessly and murmurs, "She looks just like him, you know."

Blair's still facing her baby when she replies, "I know."

The baby weight is gone by February and Serena begs her to come home.

"I can't, S," is the only reply Serena gets over the phone.

This doesn't deter Serena because she only insists, "Then meet me somewhere for spring break! Please, B. I haven't seen you in so long."

Blair tries to make excuses, but Roman insists that he can watch Juliet for a mere week.

"How hard could it be?" he asks, in his thick French accent.

* * *

It's mid-March when they meet in Monte Carlo and it's more than Blair signed up for because the entire Non-Judging Breakfast Club is there, along with several other people she'd rather not see.

Chuck looks her up and down appreciatively when she dons a white bikini. Nate sees this and walks off. She supposes he's still mad at her. She sees he hasn't brought Vanessa.

When she asks Serena about this, her best friend answers, "I think he's still in love with you."

She's successful at ignoring Nate until their last day in Monaco when she's lying out by the pool in a crimson bikini. She'd always looked amazing in red.

"You've been ignoring me," he says, before sidling into the seat next to her.

He orders a Heineken for him and a dry Tanqueray martini for her when the server comes up.

She turns to face him when she replies, "Well, you didn't look too happy to see me, so I thought I'd make it easier on you."

He laughs, "Like when you made it easier on me by breaking up with me and leaving New York forever?"

"It wasn't supposed to be forever," Blair insists.

Nate interrupts her, "Then when are you coming back?"

She has no answer for him when their drinks arrive, so she takes her martini and downs it in three gulps.

"I'd like another," she tells the server in French, and he nods.

Nate looks at her with sad blue eyes and replies, "That's what I thought."

"You don't understand," Blair contends.

Nate's still looking at her when he responds, "Then make me understand."

But by now she's crying and she blames those damn hormones and he's looking at her like she's crazy so she runs off to her room sans martini.

* * *

She doesn't leave the vineyard until summer and it's not to return home.

She arrives in Paris to conduct an interview at the Sorbonne, where she has been just about accepted. It won't be any harder than attending college in the States because she's fluent, but she's nervous all the same.

Her interview goes fine, in fact, much better than her Yale interviews did. She thinks she likes it here in France, where everyone is relaxed and easygoing. She thinks this might be why her father likes this place so much.

While she's in Paris, she takes the time to update her wardrobe. She buys things for Juliet, her father, and Roman, and her arms are filled with bags as she makes her way back to her room at the Hôtel de Crillon. She's on the Rue Royale when the bags are suddenly knocked out of her hands. She begins to think about the irony of getting robbed next to one of the best luxury hotels in Paris before the man before her clears his throat and helps her gather the bags.

Oh no.

Her eyes are wide when Carter Baizen seems to be laughing at her with knowing eyes and an impish grin.

He doesn't pretend to be puzzled when he asks her, "What are you doing in Paris, beautiful?"

She doesn't pause to think before answering, "Oh, you know, visiting dad at the vineyard and all that."

"School?" he prompts.

"Just applied to the Sorbonne," she responds.

"Forever in Paris," Carter nods, "Comment délicieux."

"Merci," Blair says, but her raised eyebrow makes him laugh.

He doesn't ask when he says, "Laissez-moi vous payer un dîner."

She wants to skip out on dinner because she hasn't seen him since last spring during their week of _whatever_, but she knows he knows where she is staying, and even here, the name Carter Baizen can pry out the secrets of young girls everywhere.

They dine at the Café de la Paix in the 9th arrondissement. He asks about her new schooling plans, her father, and the friends she left behind in New York.

She's answering all of his questions with responses so safe that it unnerves him, until he asks, "You're not going to ask why I bailed?"

Blair shrugs, "You're Carter Baizen," she says with a smile, "Isn't that what you do?"

He seems a little distressed over this information and asks if she even cared.

"If I cared, would you have stayed?" she wonders.

He gives a curt nod, replying, "It would have made all the difference in the world."

* * *

It's her second year at the Sorbonne before she runs into him again. She heard from Gossip Girl (she sadly still checks the website on days she has nothing else to do) he's been traveling the world (again), but no one knows for what. He seems to be making his way west from Southeast Asia (what was with these boys and Asia?) and he's just passed Austria so she expects him in France soon.

* * *

It's a wonder to her when he makes his way to her Parisian apartment with a quick knock on the door. She's surprised to see him and wonders aloud if he has better places to be.

"No," he answers, "May I come in?"

And it's like fate hitting her over the head when Juliet starts crying in the other room. The look on Carter's face is so full of shock and something else that Blair can't finger.

"What's that?" he asks, but she ignores him to tend to her daughter.

Juliet comes darting out before Blair can stop her and Carter is wide-eyed as he takes in the image of her daughter. By now, he can see the soft ringlets of her light brown hair, flecked with gold.

"Mommy, who's that?" Juliet wonders.

She walks up to Carter like she knows him already and looks up at him quizzically. He doesn't know what to do so he scoops this small child into his arms.

"Blair?" he asks, but her eyes are closed and she's rubbing circles into her temples.

He gazes at the small girl once more before looking into her eyes. They're a perfect replica of his, that beautiful mixture of green and hazel.

"Blair," he repeats.

"What?" she responds, tiredly.

"You could have told me—"

"Shh," she admonishes, "She doesn't know. Don't say anything," and her eyes are so wide and scared that he doesn't.

"This isn't over," he promises, before tucking the small girl into his shoulder.

He's never held a baby before, but it isn't hard to love something that looks like you and looks like Blair. She falls asleep without difficulty in his arms. Blair wants him to put her back in her bed, but he's not done here quite yet. He continues holding this little girl, the most precious thing he's ever seen.

* * *

Their renewed thing starts again innocently enough. He spends the rest of November and all of December at her apartment. His father calls him to make sure he hasn't died when he notices he hasn't moved locales in a while.

"No, dad, I'm fine," is his response.

The elder Baizen questions, "Girl in Paris?" because he is more knowledgeable about his son than he lets on.

"_The _girl," he answers.

"Look now, son. I don't need you to come home with some middle-class Parisian girl on your arm. Those are second wives, not first."

Carter rolls his eyes in response, "Don't worry, dad. You already know her."

"Carter—" his father warns.

"Seriously, calm down. I'm with Blair Waldorf."

The simplicity of this statement puts his father at ease, who proudly tells his son he's done a good job. That night, he wires him more money than he has in years and Carter has to roll his eyes at his father's absurdity.

* * *

Blair's in her third year at the Sorbonne (and her last year, because she's taken so many hours) and Carter's assistant marketing director at LVMH when he decides to propose to her. It's romantic and it's charming and it's everything she ever wanted it to be when he tells her he wants to be with _his girls_ forever.

The De Beers solitaire glitters on her finger so brightly. It reminds her of his eyes, of their daughter's eyes.

* * *

After they're been married for two years, Carter asks her if she's ready to move back to New York.

"But what about your job?" Blair wonders.

He shrugs, "My dad can get me a higher position at his company. And I know you want to raise Jules there."

This time it's Blair that shrugs, "I've been okay here, without all the gossip."

He kisses her on the lips when he responds, "But we're so adept at dealing with it, baby," and she has to laugh.

* * *

It's their first time home in years. Blair is twenty five, Carter is twenty eight, and Juliet is almost six. They've enrolled her at Constance Billard and they arrive in July to settle into the co-op his father bought for them on Park. Blair decorates the apartment in shades of cream and gold and the place ends up looking like it was furnished by a French aristocrat.

Serena returns to New York from her new home in Melbourne to witness the arrival of her best friend, former lover, and goddaughter. She greets Blair with a kiss and tells Juliet she's the most beautiful girl she's ever seen.

Blair wonders, "What have you been up to, S? I haven't heard from you in months."

To which Serena replies, "Oh, you know, dating the Foster's heir and all that," with a dismissive wave of her hand.

It's so Serena that Blair only laughs at her best friend.

Serena continues, "I'm just thankful I haven't been divorced thrice by now," a witty jab at her exuberant mother.

"Will you ever get married?" Blair asks.

Serena shrugs, "I don't think it's for me," as she answers honestly.

They're all sitting in the dining room as Blair makes lamb. Serena tells an eager Juliet how she teaches art history part time at the University of Melbourne and coaches the cricket team. Her navy blue eyes light up when she tells them about the new country she calls home.

* * *

It's September and Juliet's just started school when Blair feels abnormal again. She takes a test just to be sure, and when she finds out she's pregnant again, she visits her husband at work to tell him in person.

He's so delighted he leaves the office early the first time ever and they pick Juliet up from school together. She skips with glee when she eyes her parents.

* * *

Blair's mother hosts a Thanksgiving celebration for the masses when she invites her father and Roman, the van der Woodsen-Humphreys, Nate's mom's family, and plenty of others.

Blair arrives early to help her father make the pie when there's a ding announcing the arrival of someone in the elevator. It's Nate.

When he steps out, he looks tired, like Grandfather has overworked him in Connecticut. Perhaps he has.

"Blair," he greets her.

She responds, "Hi, Nate."

She stops rolling the dough on the pie long enough for him to declare, "Is she mine?"

Blair laughs when she rubs her belly, "No."

"Not that one," Nate announces, "The other one."

"She's not yours either," Blair honestly tells him.

"You're sure," he says, with a raised eyebrow.

"Yes," Blair insists, "It's why I couldn't be with you anymore. I'm sorry."

"I would've stayed with you," Nate answers, but he's staring at his feet like a sad little boy.

Blair tells him, "I know, but it wouldn't have been fair to you."

* * *

It's a month before Juliet's first year of school is over when Blair gives birth to another little girl. She's her spitting image and it's nice this time because Carter's by her side, squeezing her hand.

They name her Francesca Elisabeth and Carter holds her until she falls asleep. Blair looks up in wonderment because this moment is so evocative of that moment in Paris where Carter first laid eyes on Juliet. Blair goes to sleep at ease with her husband in the chair next to her.


End file.
